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  • Smita Parikh, MD

Tis the season...

To constantly get asked "So! When are you having a baby?"

The holiday season can be one of the MOST difficult times a couple who is struggling with infertility faces.

There are numerous family gatherings and holiday parties galore. Your nosey aunt keeps asking when are you going to start a family or someone notices you aren't drinking ( and even though you wish it was because you are pregnant, its because the side effects of your fertility drugs are already making you feel like crap), or maybe no one is directly butting in your business but you feel a deep pain watching the joy that comes from children running around and enjoying all of the favorite holiday traditions.

Whatever it may be, it sucks. But, you CAN get through this with a few simple tips.

Set your self up for success and be prepared.

1) Have a fixed line ready for if and when someone may ask if you're pregnant or trying. Its better than getting flustered and upset.

E.g. I always liked using humor or grossing folks out depending on your audience "well we're practicing, a lot. like all the time. everywhere. in every room. so we'll see." Then give a little smile and smoothly change the subject or walk off. Afterall, they are the ones that asked you something SO personal.

Alternatively, be HONEST.

I know, I know...this one is hard. But it can be so freeing.

E.g. "We would love to start a family. We are working on it but it's not coming as easily as we hoped." People will be surprisingly supportive and may even share their story with you or a friend or family members as well. And if they say something like "just relax and it will happen" just smile, be polite and move on.

2) Don't overdo it.

It' okay to say no to some of these parties and get togethers. You're going through something deep and if you need to separate yourself from it, then do it and don't feel guilty.

Or, you and your partner can divide and conquer or only commit yourself to going for a shorter period of time rather than staying for the whole party. Make sure you and your partner have a signal for when you need rescuing from a conversation or need to get out of there!

There will always be more holiday parties and family get togethers in the future so do what you have to do to take care of your emotional wellbeing.

3) Always keep this in the back of your head when you start to get emotional or upset

I may not have a baby now, or my perfect complete family, but tomorrow is a new day and things are always changing. Next year, at this time, you may have achieved your goals, so don't focus on the fact that it hasn't happened yet. Give it time and be grateful for what you have today in this moment.

You got this.

Happy holidays!


The Fertility Advisor

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